Friday, April 18, 2014

If you’re going to be insistive that we widdle down projects in the pipe-cycle, we’re going to need to produce an addendmunt to clarify.

To say this blog entry has been a long time coming is the grossest of understatements. I have been collecting and hoarding manglage for some three years now and it’s time to disgorge these abominations into the blogosphere for all to loathe. Without further adieu……

Wurds That Just Arunt 4.0

Pipe-Cycle – A co-worker (bless their hearts ye sustainers of this blog!) once noted in a staff meeting that “we have a lot of projects in the pipe-cycle.” Now, I don’t know what the pipe-cycle is exactly, but I’m glad we've got a lot of projects in it, as it apparently directly relates to our job-security. This could be the co-worker brain’s reaction to our environment in which we have a lot of projects going on and several of them deal with bicycles, hence the pipe-cycle, in lieu of say, the more common refrain, pipeline.

Inter-Dispersed – This entry actual shows up during internet searches with obscure scientific references but I would just like to officially call manglage on this one here and now. Many times things are interwoven, interlaced, interlocking, interlinked, interconnected, and even intermingled. You see where I’m going with this. The point is that stuff is getting together in some way or another, pick your adjective. Dispersed on the other hand is basically the opposite of this. It means things are spread out. So when you say, in my presence, inter-dispersed, that is, things that are closely together yet spread out, I’m going to have to call foul and deign this blogworthy. Inter-dispersed reminds of one of my favorite past blog entries, overneath.

Addendmunt – “That can just be added to the MOU as an addendmunt.” I can see how you could take a perfectly pronounceable word like addendum and maybe accidently say “addendamn” or maybe even “addendim”, but addendmunt? Somebody needs to see their primary physician for some ear wax removal if every time someone says addendum you hear addendmunt.

Sustence (sustenance) –Sustence, the ugly stepchild of actual sustenance, is that feeling we've all felt when you are full but not satisfied, filled but not nourished. Never settle for mere sustence when you could have sustenance, processed food when you could have an organic community garden, fast food when you could have a home cooked meal. The same goes for words. In nearly every situation please use the full actual word, not just the sustence of a word.

Insistive – Another consultant commented that the client is “insistive that deadlines be established”. Apparently we were being insensitive to the needs of the client and this led to this new word, rather than simply say the client is insisting that deadlines be established the consultant wanted to imbue some additional meaning, and thus manglage.

Widdled – Another consultant once commented to me that we need to better describe the process we went through to the client, how we widdled down the options. I sagely nodded my head whilst I wrote down this obviously humorous language and its context for future use. While one can whittle down some options, as in “to reduce or eliminate gradually, as if by whittling with a knife”, one cannot widdle down anything. Widdling sounds like something a young duckling would do as it heads to water: “look at the baby ducks widdle down the bank mommy!”

Bombsati – Basmati rice that’s soooooo good it’s the bomb-sati. Provided by my mother-in-law after a long day at work. The same mother-in-law who brought us “Hank your pants up” to which her children replied through laughter: “Who’s Hank and what’s wrong with his pants?”

Upsetness – This new word was used in the following context: “I think you can see the upsetness on my face.”  Upsetness?  UPSETNESS!!??  I’m going to punch you in the face to create some real upsetness if you ever use upsetness again.

To summarize, I’d like to offer this addendmunt to this post. I’d first like to apologize, if my delay in this blog post has caused a lack of manglage sustence in your life. Sometimes the pipe-cycle of manglage gets sooooo long that I just don’t know how to widdle down the material into a single post. Eventually so much manglage gets inter-dispersed in my life I just can’t take it anymore, I can almost physically feel the collective upsetness of my readers. Be assured that this post was just the tip of the iceberg and more posts are in the pipe-cycle! As always, if you hear manglage, don’t hesitate to send it to me via email and just put “blog” in the subject line. Cheers.