Friday, July 16, 2010

The train of events clearly shows that we do not meet mustard

The Proof is the Pudding (Contributed by S.H.)
This phrase dates back at least to the 1600’s with perhaps the most famous usage coming via Cervantes in Don Quixote. Most sources quote the following "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." Meaning that the true value or quality of something can only be judged when it's put to use. The meaning is often summed up as "results are what count." While over time this has come to be abbreviated to “the proof is in the pudding” or simply “the proof in pudding” (retaining the original meaning), I can find no reference to the term “the proof is the pudding.” This phrase does not retain the same meaning as the original. It seems to imply rather that the result is the proof. Of course, if that’s what you wanted to say then don’t bastardize the age old saying just say the proof is the result. Knowing this co-worker, they were trying to say it correctly and just had a synaptical short, something of a regular occurrence for them.
A horse can prance. A cat can pounce. The former neighbor of my sister Anna was always telling her that her dog Lucy was “such a prouncer.” You think that’s bad? Wait until you read about unquenchionable. People and their made up words, making this blog possible, thank you people. I guess I am prone to prounce on the misspoken word, omagosh I’m such a prouncer!

Not only did you spell it wrong but you pronounced spell wrong, as in “dear you spelt that word wrong.” Spelt sounds like a small fish good only for bait, e.g., “when we chum the water with spelt our catch numbers go waaaaay up. It really nicens up our paycheck.”

Nicen Not to be confused with the product Nice N’ Easy, or the Nicene Creed, I can only find a definition of this word on the very authoritative Wiktionary (note saracasm) as to become or make nicer and used in the phrase “nicen up”. Let me try this for a minute. “Wow, those rims really nicen up your ride.” “Lemme just run inside and nicen up before we bounce.” “I only wish that my charity would lead to the ongoing nicening of America.” Nope, that’s not working for me.
I heard this on the radio on the way to work the other day which caused my head to tilt slightly to the side and upward, a single eyebrow raised, as I pondered the potential etymology of this word. Un-quench-tionable…………hmnnnn……something that cannot be quenched…………..something that cannot be questioned………….something that…..this guy on the radio just made up. It had something to do with George Steinbrenner and his love or desire for the game. I tried to make it work in a sentence, I failed. (See also my mad MS Paint skillz)
Train of Events (Contributed by S.H.)
Choo choo! The event trains comin’ baby! We are all familiar with the phrase “chain of events”, a number of actions and their effects that are contiguous and linked together. But train of events I’ve never heard of before. Lets try to make this work. Train of Events: A series of events that are linked together and travel together on a defined path with a predictable origin and destination. This train may be used to flummox high school math students when used in conjunction with another train of events traveling from the opposite direction at a different speed with a different start time.” The guy that uttered this phrase sits in an office next to the woman who has been immortalized on this blog with the use of “fasterness” and the communistic trifecta (see older posts). Maybe they are rubbing off on each other?
Meet Mustard
This is funny without clarification because the use of mustard with “meet” makes you think of a hotdog or hamburger. The originator however did not have this in mind. This person said that we need to make sure our work “meets mustard”. Muster, it’s muster, not mustard. Muster means to assemble or summon (troops, etc.), as for inspection, roll call, or service. So they meant to say that our work needs to meet a certain standard upon inspection. What they said was our work needs to meet mustard, a condiment.

Perscribe (Contributed by G.K.)
I left this last for a reason, but first, my take. You can prescribe something, mostly commonly medication. You cannot perscribe anything. You’re free to perspire while being a scribe even (see photo of scribe in hoodie), but you shan’t perscribe. When this was brought to my attention by a co-worker the following conversation took place consisting entirely of blog related terminology.
Co-worker: perscribe? how does one perscribe something....
Me: the proof is the pudding my friend
Co-worker: whoa, all that in the kitchen sink?
Me: It's unquenchionable
Me: a train of events you cannot deny
Co-worker: good thing he's just an acquaintenance

Thursday, April 29, 2010

If you don’t hyper-down people are gonna come outta the woodworks!

Overneath – Really? Overneath? As in over something and underneath it at the same time? As in the English language is over your head and beneath you at the same time? Hold something up, anything, fruit, a stapler, a small child. Now with your other hand, try to describe how something is overneath it. (Note: If you chose small child please do this over a soft surface.) You will fail! There is no such thing! I remembered this picture of myself trying to explain something and thought it a fitting illustration. My friend Josh Burgner's reaction says it all. Submitted by my sis Anna.

Abulence “aa-boo-lence” – I’ve heard of the am-buh-lam (ebonics for Ambulance), but never until recently had I heard of an abulence. Now I know saying the entire word can be tedious, am-byoo-lence, but if we’re going to start dropping slabbles from words just for convenience could we at least start with less important words? I mean, think about if you’re injured and cry out for an abulence and nobody responds because they have no idea what you are talking about and think you’re a crazy person? [Injured bicyclist] - “Help!! I need an abulence, someone help me!” [Passing couple] “Can you believe that honey? Crackheads in our neighborhood, unbelievable, I hope it rains on that guy.” Submitted by my sis Deb.

Hyper-Down – A classic from parents and older siblings alike indicating you are being too hyper and need to settle down or calm down. This is often utilized when settle and calm down have become ineffective and you are hoping that by conjoining these two words you might access the calming portion of the subjects nervous system. Alas, for some of us no amount of verbal persuasion could temper the affect of six packs of pop-rocks. Submitted by my sis Deb.

Hypocritical Oath – A student in one of my wife’s online critical thinking courses used this in a paper about the death penalty. Unfortunately, it was not a play on words. It would have been great if it was, something like “Doctors who administer the lethal doses have apparently set aside the hypocritical oath they took.” I would award bonus points for that myself. Sadly, without knowledge of this unintentional pun their only bonus is getting on this blog. Submitted by the wife.

FasternessIf you’ve read some of the earlier posts on this blog you might remember the “communistic trifecta” where a co-worker said something to the affect of “supposably (1) there’s this communistic (2) influence in the book of Revelations(3! That's it folks! She's done it! The communistic trifecta!)”. Well, just this week she uttered another blog worthy sentence something along the lines of “In the future I’d like to accomplish that task with more fasterness.” Fasterness? That’s not even remotely close to being a real word. People say supposably and Revelations all the time, but fasterness? What is the antonym, slowerness? “I should probably drive with more slowerness to avoid getting into an accident.” See the level of rediculosity? Submitted by Amanda R.

Aquaintenences – Earlier we discussed the trimming of syllables from words with abulence and here we have a minister telling his congregation to reach out to their aquain-ten-nen-ces, clearly a case of the word cloak. When you’re not sure about a word, how to pronounce it, or perhaps what its plural form is, you just sprinkle in a little something extra to “cloak” your misgivings. Heck, you may even get it right. In this case, it was wrong, and making things worse, he used it about seven times. The veil was rent, the way opened, and light shined on this word cloak. Submitted by Gene K.

People will come outta the woodworks – Woodworks are wood-like surfaces that spray water whenever you stare at them for a very long time. No but seriously, there’s no such thing. An idiom, “come out of the woodwork” means to emerge from obscurity or a place of seclusion. To come outta the woodworks, well, I guess if you had a giant wood structure or sculpture that people could go into or out of then you could use this statement and it would be correct, otherwise, drop the “s” people.

Everything in the kitchen sink – Another idiom that, apparently used with more fasterness than their intellect could handle, was just slightly modified with an “in” where a “but” should be, completely and utterly modifying the meaning. Unfortunately, this new idiom is understood to mean the dishes, the food pieces, some bacteria, and a few cleaning utensils.

Over Empowered – Co-workers, an endless stream of nonsense. This was uttered in the following context, no further anecdote is required. “The pickles totally over-empower this sandwich.”

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Overheard, Written Down, Blogged

The following statements were made at engineering related meetings that I attended. I did not make any of the following statements, but I did write them down. They may have made sense in context, but I'm fairly certain that even in context some were senseless. Here they are in no particular order, overheard, written down, blogged.

In lieu of saying "a topic off the top of our head", this person conjugated the two into:"Off the topic of our head....."

Instead of "I'm not a big fan of" and/or "I'm not fond of" - we get this gem:"I'm not a big fond of...."

Noting to a committee that we wouldn’t be having a meeting the following month this speaker confidently announced: "There will be a darkness in March.” (Eclipse maybe?)

Others that may or may not have made sense in context:

“We need to start laying this out in real.”

“We need to get the best bang for built.”

“We have to delay putting off the procrastination.”

“We would like an analysis of the impacts in our vin-cinity.”

“We have to draw a sign in the land.”

“We’ve gone back and forth on that many many a times.”

“That’s like a cheeseburger on a treadmill.”

"We've been gotten some new direction."

“In a slow economy people are looking to batten down the hatchets.”

Others that sounded wrong but turned out to be real words:

“We need to start calendaring all of these meetings.”

“Part of the process will be to show the